Today’s article is likely to subvert your usual cognition, but if you read it carefully, even if you don’t agree with my point of view, I firmly believe that you can have a different perception.
What I’m going to say today is:
Stop setting goals for yourself.
Many people are dissatisfied with their lives and always like to set various goals for themselves:
Of course, this method is not wrong, and it has been widely used in real life, but because of this, it is also very likely to bring unexpected adverse effects to our lives.
The process of setting goals for yourself and striving to achieve them is essentially result-oriented.
Focusing only on the final result, not the process, but driving yourself to grow through “forced self-discipline” will add countless resistances to your growth path.
The more you set goals, the more anxious your day tends to be. If you are getting more and more miserable on the road to your goal, maybe you should think about whether you are going in the wrong direction.
Heartfelt Truth: Chasing a Goal = Failing Every Day
Psychologist and New York University professor Adam Alter once said this:
“If you think of life as a series of milestones to be accomplished, you get into ‘a state of near-continuous failure”
How should this sentence be understood? In my opinion, this sentence has two meanings.
The first point: If you don’t achieve your goals for a day, you will feel like a failure
Suppose you set yourself a goal in 2019, saying that you will make 200,000 this year, when are you happiest?
When you make 300,000.
But until you earn 300,000, you will live in anxiety every day, as long as the goal is not achieved one day, and you will not be happy.
The process of making money will not make you happy, because you only have the goal in the “future” in your eyes, and the “now” you have is just a transition and a transition to achieve your goal. a means.
The “process” brings you only anxiety. If you can, you can’t wait to reach your goal in one step and omit those annoying “now”.
Even in the process of chasing the goal, there is something worthy of aftertaste and happiness that you cannot perceive.
That is, you feel like a total loser every single day in pursuit of your goals.
The second point: the happiness of the realization of the goal is only a short moment
Even if you actually earn 200,000 and achieve your goal, your happiness will not last long, because you always rely on your goals to drive yourself to work hard. Once the goal is achieved, it means that you have lost the direction and motivation to fight. .
You will only be happy for a moment when you reach your goal, and then you will fall into endless emptiness and confusion.
You ask yourself, what should I do? Should I keep trying? How should my future go?
Some people may sink in this, anyway, I have achieved my goal, and then it is time to relax myself, and I will talk about the future things later.
Recall that when we were in college, did we always meet a lot of people who didn’t go to class or study, and would just sit in the dormitory and play games and sleep late every day?
A very important reason is that from childhood to adulthood, their parents and teachers told them to study hard to get into college, and they also regarded this as the most important goal in their lives.
But after they tried their best to go to university, they suddenly found that they had lost their goal of struggle. They had no idea how to go in the future, and they could only rely on games to anesthetize themselves.
Others won’t let themselves sink in, and in order to make themselves comfortable, they will keep setting goals for themselves, and the goals are getting bigger and bigger.
I made 200,000 this year, 500,000 next year, and 1 million the year after…
In this way, their lives are like Sisyphus who constantly pushes stones up the mountain, always in fatigue and never getting a trace of happiness.
daily rewards game
In other words, being self-motivated by purpose only puts you in a cycle of misery.
You suffer from pain and failure every day, over and over again, never ending.
Even if you achieve your goals, you will not be satisfied with what you currently have, much less feel that you have accomplished much.
Is this life really what you want?
It is only the result of the hero
The reason why this happens is that there is a natural defect in goal-driven, that is, the criteria for judging things are simply and roughly divided into two types: “completed” and “uncompleted”.
If the goal is not achieved, no matter how perfect the process is and how close the result is, you will write off all your previous efforts, or even deny yourself completely.
In addition, there is another negative aspect of goal orientation, which can easily lead you to reverse the results and make wrong judgments.
An American professional poker champion, Annie Duke, has written a best-selling book called Thinking in Bets.
In the book, Duke mentions that one of the most common mistakes amateur poker players make is to use results to reverse their decisions.
If you win in the end, you think you played the card right, and you will continue to play like this next time; if you lose in the end, you think you played the card wrong, and you won’t play this way again next time.
Duke told us that this is the worst idea, and the reality is far more complicated than that.
He gives an example in the book:
Assuming you have a good hand right now, based on probability, you have at least a 90% chance of winning if you move in.
As a result, after you bet, the other party is out of luck, getting the only king, and winning all the chips with a probability of less than 10%.
You get so annoyed, slap yourself on the head, and walk away complaining that you shouldn’t follow.
Duke tells us that at this time, you must understand:
Although you did not achieve your goal, it does not mean that you made the wrong choice, and vice versa. Sometimes even if you win, it may be purely fluke, it does not mean that you made the right choice, and it does not mean that you will can do so.
Staring at the goal and only using “completed” as the basis for evaluating success or failure will not only make you lose confidence, but also make you make wrong judgments.
It is very possible that you are only one step away from victory, but you have negated all your previous efforts and turned to another completely wrong path to start all over again. What a pity it is.